The last album of Black Eyed Peas is fabulous The E.N.D. (The Energy Never Dies), came with force, one of the songs that fascinates me is “I gotta a feeling.
It was rumored in 2007 that the band broke up because they work alone, but in the end were only rumors, not slow to refute.
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Wesley (32) has unprotected sex with other men. This 32-year old guy forms part of a group of Dutch gays and bi-sexuals who don´t practice safe-sex. These men say they´ve had it with all the ´depressing´ news about aids. They call what they do ´barebacking´(having sex without a condom). Only a very small percentage in Holland does this. Wesley: ´Thrilling´ and ´enjoyment´ are keywords´.
Wesley wanted to meet up in the trainstation of a town close to capital Amsterdam. For a cup of coffee and so we coud talk. When we arrive at ´his´coffeeshop (they really serve coffee), it turns out it no longer exists. The place is empty. The new establishment has gone further up the platform. But then it turns out that albeit this ´error´ of Wesley, he knows this station very well. During our walk he points out an older building. ´Over here a lot of gay guys used to ´cruise´ (looking for gay-sex)´.
Wesley (girlfriend, two children) insists he is a responsable family-man. By only looking at this caretaker of an old people´home, you could believe him. He is wearing a windbreaker, moccasins and has brown peepers behind modern glasses. But Wesley also says he deliberately uses no condom in his sexcontacts. With men.
He engages in ´barebacking´. This phenomenon has blown over from the United States, where some gay-men deliberately practice unsafe-sex. They don´t care that they could contract the HIV-virus. This very high-risk activity started back in 1997. Sexual frustration had started to grow by all the HIV-prevention campaigns. People didn´t want to be afraid anymore. At ´parties´ people started to have unprotected sex. If somebody contracted the HIV-virus, ´at least´ the worry of getting the disease was over. Two years later this mentality was also to be found in Europe.
´I enjoy unsafe sex and it gives me a thrill. Fucking with a condom, for me, would be like getting a massage in a wetstuit. You dont feel a thing.´ He doesn´t care that these thoughts belong in ´ancient´history. ´My brother-in-law is an ambulance-driver. He tells me he sees people getting hurt or worse in carcrashes on a daily basis because of drinking and driving. I would never take a risk like that. I don´t drink when I drive´, he concludes his arguing. But what is the difference with his risk-taking then? ´That´s true´, he admits. ´I´m taking risks on a different level.´
His girlfriend, he claims, knows about his activities. ´This has nothing to do with her, but with me. I´ ve always been this way.´ I ask him if he loves his life. Oh yes, he responds. But that wasn´t always the case. ´From the age of 17 I hated my life and that went on for ten years straight.´ He confesses that if in that period he would have had some sort of disease like for instance cancer, he would have told his doctor not to treat him. Why he felt that way at the time, he doesn´t know. But now: ´I give my life a 9, 5. And in that life my kids are number 1. After that comes experiencing thrills.´
´I am lying in my bed. Do what you want with me.´
Because of that same ´thrill´, the regular gaybars don´t appeal to Wesley. ´Everything there is so preplanned. You know in advance you gonna end up with somebody in bed.´ He rather goes to people´s houses. ´Then you go to a house. Over the phone the person you´re going to meet has already told you: ´come through the backdoor. I´m lying in my bed. Do what you want with me.´ There are not a lot of things who can beat that.´
Wesley is not his real name
By Maritere Nguema